So
you are in your mid or late twenties, probably even younger or much older and
in a relationship that is clearly going south. You have dated this person for
some time now, let's say 3, 5, 7 or more years and your mind can not fathom
calling it quits. You are probably already engaged and the two families have
gotten to meet and are coming to an agreement. Thoughts run through your mind: I thought he was the one?! I prayed about it
and God gave the green light. Look at my age, when will I settle down? I need
to have my first child before I’m 30, at worst 35; where will I find another
man? How do I start all over again, meeting, dating, courting.....I don't have
that time nor energy! And as your fears get the best of you, you hold on
and force it to work. You convince yourself that this too shall pass and that better days are ahead. ‘He will change, yes we will struggle at
first in marriage but it will get better, we can make this work.’ You pray,
fast and even quote scriptures, if God is
for us, who can be against us and no weapon fashioned against us shall prosper......the
devil is a liar! The red flags are all over the place but you choose to ignore
or rather not see the seriousness of the decision you are about to
make.
I
see quite a number of women (and men) in such situations who decide to walk
down the aisle despite the clear signs for the contrary. Often their judgment
is hindered and they fail to realize marriage is for life, at least for us
Christians, and consequently it matters who you choose to do life with. Yes
science may say that your biological clock is ticking but the ticking of that
clock won't save you from a bad marriage! I know it’s hard but it is possible
to walk away, better a broken engagement than a broken marriage.
Yes,
your peers are way ahead of you, most of them married with kids, and there you
are, struggling. We need to understand that we are all on different paths,
others straight and others curved, some short and others long, hence why it is
so wrong to compare our paths with others. All in all God's timing is perfect,
as cliché as it may sound, it is the truth. We cannot view our lives from other
people's lenses or paths for that matter.
Why
are you so afraid to let go, afraid to be alone? There is a common saying, until you are comfortable being alone, you
will never know if you are choosing someone out of love or loneliness.
You do not need a relationship to complete you, find your true identity and
wholeness in God. You need to be one whole person who meets another whole
person. Let go and let God work on those insecurities that you struggle with,
those that make you think you will die if you get out of this relationship. You
will do just fine, if you let God take you through. Our healing, most of the
time, is fully dependent on our willingness to let go and let God
deal with the hurt.
Yes,
it will be painful, you had given your all and closed that chapter. The shame
might look unbearable, everyone knows you are getting married. What will the
breakup do to your family considering negotiations were on going, how will
you face everyone? But a look on the flip side, you may decide to push on and
‘make it work’, but a few months into marriage the situation turns ten times
worse, and you are torn between surviving and divorce and the same
thoughts of shame, disappointment and facing your family and friends
go through your mind though now on a greater scale. The latter is worse and
more detrimental but I will let you choose for that is what free will
is all about.
I
chose the short term shame, because marriage is a lifetime covenant. It was not
easy even as I was faced with most of what I have described above. But in the
end, as I look back I could not be more glad that I walked away and I thank God.
I believe the things of God should not be such a struggle, yes relationships need
work but do not force it if the signs are clear. Choose to let go, God will
heal your heart. Do not write off your future and settle for less than what you
are worth.
When it's all said and done, you may be left asking, ‘then if this is not it, then why did God allow me to get in and waste
all these years?’ Truth is, at times God allows us into some situations to
teach us a lesson or two and ideally these situations should make us better. It
is not wasted time, you have learnt and grown and even if some of it is wasted,
God can redeem time. His ways are not our ways neither are His thought ours. As
long as we are in his kingdom, we need to stop thinking like people of the
world and seeing things from the natural eyes. Let God lead you and guide you,
for he has an awesome plan for your life and you better believe it. Our trust
should fully be in God, he knows the whole picture so let us not worry when we
can dwell in him and trust him fully.
Most
of the time when we talk about trusting God, it is from the point of believing
him for something, but we should trust him with our mistakes as well, in that
even when we mess up we trust that he will lead us back on track. That way we
live a life without regrets, trusting him fully. That said, if this message
sounds too late for you and you are in marriage and struggling because you
could not let go, do not worry, trust God with your mistakes, that he will turn
things around for you and make your life better, nothing is impossible with
God, so do not give up, He loves you and is concerned about every detail of
your life.
