It is possible to let go

So you are in your mid or late twenties, probably even younger or much older and in a relationship that is clearly going south. You have dated this person for some time now, let's say 3, 5, 7 or more years and your mind can not fathom calling it quits. You are probably already engaged and the two families have gotten to meet and are coming to an agreement. Thoughts run through your mind: I thought he was the one?! I prayed about it and God gave the green light. Look at my age, when will I settle down? I need to have my first child before I’m 30, at worst 35; where will I find another man? How do I start all over again, meeting, dating, courting.....I don't have that time nor energy! And as your fears get the best of you, you hold on and force it to work. You convince yourself that this too shall pass and that better days are ahead. ‘He will change, yes we will struggle at first in marriage but it will get better, we can make this work.’ You pray, fast and even quote scriptures, if God is for us, who can be against us and no weapon fashioned against us shall prosper......the devil is a liar! The red flags are all over the place but you choose to ignore or rather not see the seriousness of the decision you are about to make.

I see quite a number of women (and men) in such situations who decide to walk down the aisle despite the clear signs for the contrary. Often their judgment is hindered and they fail to realize marriage is for life, at least for us Christians, and consequently it matters who you choose to do life with. Yes science may say that your biological clock is ticking but the ticking of that clock won't save you from a bad marriage! I know it’s hard but it is possible to walk away, better a broken engagement than a broken marriage. 

Yes, your peers are way ahead of you, most of them married with kids, and there you are, struggling. We need to understand that we are all on different paths, others straight and others curved, some short and others long, hence why it is so wrong to compare our paths with others. All in all God's timing is perfect, as cliché as it may sound, it is the truth. We cannot view our lives from other people's lenses or paths for that matter.

Why are you so afraid to let go, afraid to be alone? There is a common saying, until you are comfortable being alone, you will never know if you are choosing someone out of love or loneliness. You do not need a relationship to complete you, find your true identity and wholeness in God. You need to be one whole person who meets another whole person. Let go and let God work on those insecurities that you struggle with, those that make you think you will die if you get out of this relationship. You will do just fine, if you let God take you through. Our healing, most of the time, is fully dependent on our willingness to let go and let God deal with the hurt.

Yes, it will be painful, you had given your all and closed that chapter. The shame might look unbearable, everyone knows you are getting married. What will the breakup do to your family considering negotiations were on going, how will you face everyone? But a look on the flip side, you may decide to push on and ‘make it work’, but a few months into marriage the situation turns ten times worse, and you are torn between surviving and divorce and the same thoughts of shame, disappointment and facing your family and friends go through your mind though now on a greater scale. The latter is worse and more detrimental but I will let you choose for that is what free will is all about.

I chose the short term shame, because marriage is a lifetime covenant. It was not easy even as I was faced with most of what I have described above. But in the end, as I look back I could not be more glad that I walked away and I thank God. I believe the things of God should not be such a struggle, yes relationships need work but do not force it if the signs are clear. Choose to let go, God will heal your heart. Do not write off your future and settle for less than what you are worth.

When it's all said and done, you may be left asking, ‘then if this is not it, then why did God allow me to get in and waste all these years?’ Truth is, at times God allows us into some situations to teach us a lesson or two and ideally these situations should make us better. It is not wasted time, you have learnt and grown and even if some of it is wasted, God can redeem time. His ways are not our ways neither are His thought ours. As long as we are in his kingdom, we need to stop thinking like people of the world and seeing things from the natural eyes. Let God lead you and guide you, for he has an awesome plan for your life and you better believe it. Our trust should fully be in God, he knows the whole picture so let us not worry when we can dwell in him and trust him fully.

Most of the time when we talk about trusting God, it is from the point of believing him for something, but we should trust him with our mistakes as well, in that even when we mess up we trust that he will lead us back on track. That way we live a life without regrets, trusting him fully. That said, if this message sounds too late for you and you are in marriage and struggling because you could not let go, do not worry, trust God with your mistakes, that he will turn things around for you and make your life better, nothing is impossible with God, so do not give up, He loves you and is concerned about every detail of your life. 

Going through the motions

To go through the motions is to do something simply because it is expected of you and not because you really want to. It's like playing the part because you don't really have an option; because you have to. It is considered fake and insincere; actions are seen but there is no heart in it.

This reminds me of one Chemu Caroline Saina, who once shared on the topic with so much passion and with tears in her eyes, urged us that rather than go through the motions of being a Christian, we should have a relationship with God. I really do miss this lady, a life well lived and her legend lives on :)

What does it mean to be a believer? What is expected of one and what things or evidence makes one a believer? As Christians we have the Bible to guide us on how we should live and carry ourselves; all life's answers are in the Word of God. For most people, when we received salvation, we were taken through the basics of what we would need to do now that we were saved. We were told the importance of growth and that a stagnant Christian is a dying Christian. For growth to take place, we had to instill spiritual disciplines that included studying the Bible, prayer, fasting and fellowship among others. Question is, do we know why we do what we do? Is there change and impact? Or are we simply going through the motions?

Having been a believer for a while now, there are seasons whereby I have done these disciplines simply because it was expected of me. After all, that is what Christians do, right? They go to church, read the bible, pray and fast among other things. However, it is senseless to do something without understanding, and if it has no impact, then what's the need?

Having a relationship with God is what is key whereby you do all these things for growth and to get to a deeper level with God. He desires that we would seek Him with our all and He be the center of our lives. It doesn't count to do all these things just for the sake. There is more to it than the actions, our desire should be to grow and get deeper in the things of God. Understand why you need to pray, fast, study the Word, serve, evangelize among other things. 

So, have you been going through the motions? Do not waste time doing things just for the sake of it.....it is not worth it and doesn't count. Take a pause, think it through and do things from a point of understanding. God desires that we seek Him with our all. Jeremiah 29:13, 'And ye shall seek me, and find me, when ye shall search for me with all your heart.'' Enjoy the adventure of getting to know God more, taking time to listen to what He has to say as He reveals His Will for your life. 

Wasted Time

I finally get to write after procrastinating for a while now; I am grateful
that this journey has began and interestingly enough I begin from a topic
that is too well known to me :)

We at times get to that place where when thinking through life and where we
currently are, we feel like a lot has passed us by; missed opportunities
and delayed chances. We may get to the point of asking ourselves 'what if
I had done this or that differently?', 'what if I did not procrastinate or
was Just serious about some-things; how far would I be or what difference
would there be in my life.?' Thinking through this, I guess you can relate to
one or two or, for some, all and much more. It could be that you haven't
been faithful in your walk with God or not given much time to the things
that matter such as family; It could be work, business or studies.

But whatever it is, such occurrences are all too common.

The unfortunate aspect about time is that once it has passed, it can not be recovered. This could get one to a place of feeling a failure, disappointment or hopelessness.
This is especially when we start to compare our lives with others and imagine where we would have been if things were done differently. Some people get to the place where so much time has been wasted that they stop to care, they choose to have such attitudes as 'it's done, it's done'; 'its never that serious'; 'what's the worse that can happen'; 'nothing much can change, so
why bother'.

Reality is, at times, it is that serious, your life could depend on it and
more time wasted could make things worse. Staying in the place of regret or
despair does not change anything; it actually makes the situation worse.
You may have missed out on a great opportunity or chance but that is not
the end, there is always hope. Things may not have gone as planned or hoped
for or they may just not be working out but don't give up, something can still
be done. Regardless of how much time and chance has been wasted, God is
still not done with you yet and He still has an awesome plan for your life;
you just need to believe it and get back on track.

Get up and start where you are. Do not concentrate on where you would have
been rather start with where you are and look forward to where you want to
go. Change what needs to be changed and get moving, as long as you are
still breathing, much can be done. What change do you need to make?, what
friends do you need to drop or take up? Whatever it takes to make that
change do it, get up and Stop wasting time, your days are numbered so make
them count.

Stay blessed and may God grant you grace as you do what needs to be done :)